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Time to Take the Finger Out!

I just got back from my acupuncture session. B and I go together every Saturday and have done for the last 4 months. We wanted to do everything we could possibly do to make the next round of IVF work. Well, I did and B is just going along with it to keep me happy, darling that he is. He and S(acupuncturist) ganged up on me today. I've been sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I don't do any exercise, spend all day on the computer (though to be fair, some of that time is spent working). I know I'm doing it and I know the only way to pull myself out is to get moving and start exercising but I just can't be bothered. I do feel sufficiently bad now that I'm scared of feeling this way forever. My lack of control over my feelings and my life are actually terrifying the crap out of me. I wish I just knew what was going to happen. My life is on hold. I am waiting to either have a child, or not have a child. I don't necessarily think I will have a child one way or the other, in fact it is hard to imagine that I'll ever be a mother. I don't think I want to adopt. It's a choice between a biological child or no child. I haven't discussed this with B. We haven't got to that point yet.I'm making a commitment now to take the finger out. I will get back into my walking routine and go to 2 yoga classes this week. B said he'll come to yoga with me. I don't really want to but at this point, I have to.


Anonymous Manuela said...

omigod... we are the SAME person...

1/19/2006 01:27:00 PM  

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