The Wait is Over and Recap

Yes! It is officially cycle day 1. I woke up this morning to my new year gift from AF. We went to bed before midnight. We had a small celebration at 4pm which was midnight GMT, called my parents and toasted the new year with some champagne. We had take-out Indian food and played Blokus and backgammon like the boring old married couple we are. We could have gone to a couple of parties and I think B might have liked to; but I just couldn't be bothered. I feel fat already and I haven't even started stims yet. I'm hoping that CD 1 on 1/1 is a good omen for me. I'm not superstitious but I need a little good karma right now. I am so excited at moving forward it seems a little redundant to look back, however, not knowing how long this journey will take, I may be glad this time next year that I did recap. I knew long before the beginning of 2005 that we would have trouble conceiving. I made some half-hearted efforts in 2001 to investigate why we weren't getting pregnant but we weren't actively trying so I wasn't that worried. My lab results were all normal, my Ob-Gyn commented that my uterine lining seemed a bit thick for where I was in my cycle(my first experience with the dildo-cam) but that was it. I did nothing until 2004 when my PCP drew some blood which was mostly normal except for a low P4 on cycle day 21. She sent me for a HSG which showed a blocked left Fallopian tube, in fact the whole left corner of my uterus was blocked. B also had a low sperm count. I had an IUI in August 2004 with my Ob-Gyn. That failed and I couldn't do another cycle immediately after because I had a cyst on my ovary. In March of 2005. I went to see my RE Dr. Ding-Dong . He has got several of my friends pregnant!!!!!!!! I love him. He took one look at my HSG films and said he had never seen anything like it (not something you want your RE to say) He clarified that he just thought it should be repeated because he did not think my tube was blocked and he could not explain the missing corner of my uterus. He sent me for another HSG (oh joy). This time it was completely normal except for I had huge polyps in my uterine lining but both my tubes were clear. That lead to this and here we are. I didn't really have much in the way of maternal instincts until fairly recently. B really wanted kids and I didn't actively not want them. Now I find it hard to look at other children because my heart aches that I may never have one of my own. Things have always come easily to me. Maybe I need the journey to motherhood to be this difficult to make me realize how much I really want it. Now I know I really, really want it.